carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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