I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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