im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
