Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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