what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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