Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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