It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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