he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
