Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters

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(430): View more from Texas

If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?

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