I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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