yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
