Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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