i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
