This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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