Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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