This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
