I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
