Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
