I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
