If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
