I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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