There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
