Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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