I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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