Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
