Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
