i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
