Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
