omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
