I just pynch a tree in the face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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