I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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