just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
