dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
