if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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