I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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