her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
