we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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