I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
