p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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