Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
