What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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