he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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