Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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