he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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