the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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