Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
