i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
