we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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