I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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