I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
